


The title of the series is way too dramatic for this work to have a melodramatic title. Even though it would have been appropriate

by Myo_sis



Series: From inevitable death arises the most feverish feelings ever, which is a blessing for cold-hearted and tortured creatures like humans [3]
Category: Gintama
Genre: Angst, Death, Gekijouban Gintama Kanketsu-hen: Yorozuya yo Eien Nare | Be Forever Yorozuya, Internal Monologue, M/M, Sad Ending, could sougo and gintoki share dango and bother hijikata forever, how to tag this omfg, is a world without gintoki really worth living?, pls, this is mainly sougo not really hijigin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2019-07-15
Packaged: 2020-06-29 05:54:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19823914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Myo_sis/pseuds/Myo_sis
Summary: This is the immediate follow-up of the second part of this series.Or Sougo's reaction when he stumbles on his superior mourning a bloody and... lifeless Gintoki.





	The title of the series is way too dramatic for this work to have a melodramatic title. Even though it would have been appropriate

**Author's Note:**

> ahhh I am terrified again. I love Sougo so much but I'm afraid this feels really out of character. buuut I still wrote it and wanted to share it.  
> Sorry for any grammatical weirdness, and I hope you'll enjoy it somehow :,)

\- Hijikata-san. Get up. He’s dead.

He removed his hand from the Vice-chief’s shoulder, and clenched his fists to control their shaking. The scene he had just witnessed was too eerie and wrong for him to truly feel about it. An emptiness had settled in his soul, and it probably was a good thing. He needed to stay calm, and get Hijikata and Gintoki out of here, and right n-

Sounds of movements and feet hammering on the ground suddenly drew Sougo’s attention towards the stairwell. He didn’t think twice and rushed towards it. He knew that that was their men but kept a hand on the guard of his sword out of habit. He recognized Saito leading his division but didn’t relax nevertheless. Keeping his gaze as still and his face as impassive as possible, he ordered :

\- Leave this level to me. Lead everybody up, clean the upper floors and find the Yorozuya.

Saito nodded silently and the former leader of the 1st division hoped he hadn’t remarked anything unusual in his behavior. After all, Sougo was known to appreciate working on his own and doing things at his own pace. But still, he couldn’t let anybody else see the scene taking place behind the walls of this floor.

He stayed at the entrance of the floor the whole time and only budged when the last of their men had disappeared upstairs. Once the stepping sounds were only muffled taps above him, he took a deep breath and turned away. He was walking slowly. He had absolutely no desire to go back to the cursed scene. But he had no choice. He forced himself to look up and immediately repressed a shiver.

The scene was as eerie and heartbreaking as it was the first time he’d seen it. Though this time, he did not have to endure the quiet sobs nor the broken moans. The Vice-chief was partly standing, on his knees. His head was down, and even in the distance the younger samurai could distinguish the tightened lips and the dried tears on his face. He repressed another shiver. The situation was odd and painful at the same time and that was a cocktail of feelings Sougo was not accustomed to feel, especially not while having these two men involved. All of these emotions were leaving him feeling strangely empty after all.

Hijikata was the superior he abhorred, the human who had messed up his childhood and slowly ripped him off of all the persons he cared about in the world. First, Kondo. Then, his sister, and more recently, Kagura, since they used to share the same hopes concerning Danna. But.. well, maybe he hadn’t taken Danna away from him. Even though in the last months Gintoki had spent with them in Edo, the silver-head had started to spend way more time with Hijikata than with him. But in the end… Danna had also left him and Hijikata had nothing to do with it.

A weird anger started building up in his guts, along with a tightness in his throat. That was dangerous. He clenched his fists and let the emotional wave pass.

He couldn’t be feeling this way. He had accepted all of these things. He had grown up and was not the man he was before anymore.

He had accepted that, no matter what he would do, Hijikata would always be better than him. That, he somehow had something good enough in him to lure both Mitsuba and Danna to him. So technically, he should be feeling sympathy, not anger. He should be close to that man again, comforting him or at least use the little respect he had for him to protect his dignity by getting him up, off the lap of a dead man. But he couldn’t move. Repressing the burning anger building in his body was taking him all of his attention.

He had a bitter taste in his mouth. He was feeling a very unpleasant feeling of déjà vu and unfairness. All his fucking life alongside Hijikata had been based on the same inequality that was gnawing him. Hijikata had somehow more rights, he always had excuses, he was the one to empathize with, to comfort, to forgive blindly.

During their childhood, it had never occurred to anyone that what he was doing to him was wrong, and _hurting_ him. First, Kondo had let that pass with the large smile of his, pointing out their bickering as something funny and cute, something brothers would do. How couldn’t he see? Then, the woman of his life had fallen into the same trap. Always laughing, laughing, laughing and obliging him to behave better with his holy student, Hijikata Toshirou. The world, his world, was spinning around _Hijikata Toshirou_ , not him. He was the legitimate one to act, to be.

His sister’s death had, once again, proved that he was different than him, and that his actions, unbearable to Sougo, were normal and appropriate in everyone else’s point of view. The asshole had let her die shamelessly without granting her of a single word, but still, _still_ , his grief had been saluted by people and absolutely nobody had questioned his behavior. He had abandoned her, neglected her, forsaken her and he was allowed by the whole universe to feel pain and despair nonetheless?

That had been something that had exasperated him at the highest point. But even though he had moved forward after that, the harsh reality was always coming back, slamming him in the face. This way, when Danna had faded away, Hijikata had once again obtained the privilege to mourn him. You understand, the poor boy got his heart broken, you know? Because, the holy person he is had drawn once again an amazing person in his hold. And, come on, you must understand what love is right Sougo? Hijikata _loved_ Gintoki, so of course he is mourning him, and he suffers a lot, and you gotta support and understand him. So he had stayed strong because visibly, he wasn’t the one allowed to ache. He had stood strong and thus carried out one of Danna’s most important value, the one saying that no matter what happened, they must keep on living. They must keep on struggling their way out in life. But once again in Sougo’s world, the regards and salutations were only for poor, right and good Hijikata.

And at this very moment, it was the same as ever. Hijikata got to wipe and let go, while he was staying behind, strong and foreign.

Hijikata getting up on his feet brought him out of his introspection. He swallowed his frustration and unclenched his fists.

He saw the Vice-chief look under the weird apparel Danna was wearing. He heard the sound of cloth getting torn. And when Hijikata stood up again, he saw him bring what he had just ripped off Danna’s corpse to his nose, and smell it. He recognized the cloth immediately. Beside Kagura, nobody was wearing the blue spirals patterned yukata.

An umpteenth shiver shook him and this time, repressing the tears was harder than ever. He watched Hijikata smell deeply the cloth, his hands trembling, and the black-haired samurai let out a low pained whine. Sougo felt awful. His head started spinning, and a sort of self-disgust feeling arose in his guts, changing into a sour taste at the back of his throat. Fuck, people were probably right in the end. Hijikata was right, and he was a terrible person for being this selfish in such situation.

Hijikata sniffed, put away the piece of cloth in one of his pockets. There was a pause, then suddenly, he shot an intense glare at him. This time, Sougo shuddered and the soreness in his throat increased drastically. He struggled holding his gaze. He had never seen him like this before. Instinctively, he thought that his dear sister also deserved such suffering in Hijikata’s eyes. But he was so crushed under the intensity of his gaze that he shut his thoughts and looked away.

He hated this guy. But he somehow would always be better than him.

He gulped the tightness in his throat away and walked towards Gintoki’s dead body. Ignoring the heady smell of blood and the agonizing pain rising in his chest at the sight of Danna’s pale and spectral face, emptying his head, he took one of the corpse’s arm on his shoulders.

\- Come on. We’re taking him home.

The long-haired samurai’s voice was only a murmur.

He instantly feared that he would have to carry both Danna’s corpse and Hijikata’s lifeless body, but the black-haired man fidgeted beside him. He heard him sniff again and probably wipe the last tears on his cheeks away. The Vice-chief stopped near him. He was so closed he could hear his trembling breathing.

"I...I never told them I loved them." A feeble and hoarse voice said.

And it felt like a dry and cold tsunami inside the young samurai’s guts. His eyes widened on the reflect of an aching and troubled soul. A thousand thoughts ran through his head in seconds, and he clenched his fists to stay anchored in reality, gripping the bloodied garment with way too much strength. Instantly, warm and precious memories assaulted his mind. He saw his dear sister, his childhood with her, the warmth of her embrace, the radiant energy of her smile. Then he felt her cold skin against his cheek, and the taste of his own tears.

Crushed by the intensity of the sadness wreaking havoc in his heart, his muscles weakened and the dead body slid back on the ground. He didn’t try to hold it back; he knew he couldn’t. He knew that if he looked back at the corpse, he would get memories back. He’d see Danna’s disheveled hair onto a bored and nonchalant face, a finger stuffed in the nose. He’d hear his endless complaints of useless old-man, and his mocking voice he’d use when they would make fun of the Vice-Chief. And if he started to get these memories in his head, he would inevitably get back to all what they had shared together, from their almost daily encounters at the dango’s shop to the meaningful and deadly battles they had fought in side by side.

A cry suddenly broke the heavy silence of the room, as Sougo fell down on his butt. One hand still squeezing the cloth of the dead silver samurai, and the other covering his eyes and their tears.

Hijikata’s eyes were way too dry to pour even one more teardrop. So he just let his empty carcass rest, and sat on the other side of Gintoki’s cold body, a hand into his messy and bloodied silver locks. And he let the remnants of warmth leave his body, lulled by Sougo’s muffled and broken cries.

**Author's Note:**

> don't hesitate to tell me what's wrong or good, since I have absolutely 0 confidence about this :,)


End file.
